An Ode To Roosters

Me n these ducks want to post an Ode To Roosters.

I'm not a rooster-hater,
honest. Fur reals.
But I am also not a rooster-lover.

I've seen loving roosters on TV.
There was this one lady with three roosters who were absolutely loving on her.
They were like cats, practically purring.
And I don't think it was CG or animatronics.

I admired my roosters and I was impressed by their courageous care of the hens.
I was not impressed by their courtship habits, but staying in the positive.... I was overwhelmed by their beautiful magnificence.

It was just that after I was attacked and injured for the first time by a rooster, I never trusted one again.
Same goes for geese... I'm not the bag lady feeding them at the park - that's someone who is off her meds.

How can a rooster, who is, after all, just a chicken... injure an adult human?
Well... it goes like this.

First, they start to practice their crowing.
This usually gets an adult human in trouble with the neighbors,
but let's assume this is a farm rooster.

Then, once they are very good at crowing.... they will do it constantly and round the clock,
Keeping the adult human up at night and causing brain shrinkage due to sleep deprivation.
But again, let's assume this is a farm where the rooster is a proper distance from the bedroom - which was not my farm but anyway...

Once they are crowing day and night, they will stage the first blind ambush.
At first, it feels like someone threw a chicken at the back of your leg... like for a laugh.
Just walking through the pen, and whump - a chicken has bounced off the back of your leg.
Silly chicken.

The next blind ambush will be more than just a whump,
It will be a crunching swishing whumpity STAB,
Where the Stab begins to hurt... probably hasn't broken the skin,
But it hurt.

This is the part where the rooster has begun to figure out how to use his spurs.
And how to attack without falling over,
And how to come atchu again while you are bending over trying to see if there's a rip in your pants.

That's when the rooster gets airborne and goes for the face,
Spurs first,
And that can open a cheek to the bone.

Then the whumping sound comes from the rooster getting bounced off the business end of a boot.... which starts as self defense but skirts the dark edge of revenge.

At that point, it's not funny anymore. Especially if there are small, medium or large children involved. At that point an adult human can, and has in my case, sustain a significant injury. Those spurs can slash, stab, or cuisinart.

That's generally when the Free Rooster offer comes in.
As I've said before.... There's A Reason The Rooster Is Free.

And that's my experience with roosters.
I'm a believer in rooster loving. But....
but....